I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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