I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize