yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Farmville is her only friend.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
