I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
