Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
