so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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