I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
