i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
