If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
