dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
