How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
