My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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