Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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