my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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