If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
