Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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