mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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