can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize