1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
