were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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