Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
