we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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