Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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