dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
