So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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