I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
