she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
