Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
