Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
