; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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