1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So vagazzling was a success
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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