Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
