I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
