My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
