i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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