I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
