maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
