May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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