Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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