there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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