hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
