Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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