well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
