just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
