What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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