Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
