It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize