I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
