Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
