you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
