You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
