I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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