it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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