i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
