And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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