So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
