well I can't set my house on fire every night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
