my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
