So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
