I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
