dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
