im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
