I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
