What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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