Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
