if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
