How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
A+ Viking dick
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
