it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize