you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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