no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
